Talk:Unwanted Gifts/@comment-31077845-20170228223423
Banningk actually said exactly what was on my mind about the language. Don't get me wrong, I myself am sometimes given to overly intricate language and wordy, if sometimes humorous (at least I find them such) descriptions, but...I don't know, I remember knowing this kid in school who wrote kinda like that all the time, although it was admittedly definitely much more pretentious and annoying to read than this, particularly since as this story went on it seemed to get noticeably less unnecessarily descriptive and in his case he'd take any opportunity to throw in the most esoteric word he knew even if it barely fit and sounded ridiculous, and he grated on everyone horribly because he believed he was just so, so much smarter than anyone ever and he was clearly really insecure as well so he talked crap about everyone behind their backs (I heard years later that included me, to which I responded "Yeah, I figured so"). My point is that some of this may come from the fact this kid and his writing used to really hit a nerve, but especially early on I did find the writing to be annoyingly drawn out. Like I said, I can sometimes do it too, but usually I'll wind up going back and hacking off unnecessary verbage and parenthetical phrases. Aside from that it was fairly ok, and certainly creepy enough, but how were these girls killing things? And while the baby would be tougher to explain (while they'd have cell phone records of a call being made that the parents didn't make to back up the guy's claims about the discussion he had with the girls, that would have to be weighed against the fact that they're little girls and the justice system, being the horribly unfair system it is, tends to assume little girls aren't murderous, incredibly clever sociopaths), when the father showed up he'd have that evidence plus an airtight alibi being as the father would've been in the house alive at the point in which he could prove he was elsewhere. I'd say DNA evidence would also support that story if he never touched him and this was a hotel bed, but the girls had access to his house while he was away and thus could've planted his DNA, but the fact still remains the father was surely alive at a point in which the narrator could prove he was elsewhere (even if he paid in cash, he'd have receipts with timestamps, and there would be no way for the girls to off the father immediately after he left because the police would still be around and the father and mother would probably not be separated. They'd almost have to wait until that night). Plus, of course, this does kinda defeat the entire murderous, pathological little girls angle being as there would almost absolutely have to be something paranormal going on; they couldn't move or transport the dad (even if maybe they killed him via poisoning or something) and if they did wait until night like they'd almost have to even if someone had a car there would be no way for them to cover that distance, somehow obtain a key to his room, enter, and somehow plop a grown man into bed with the narrator without him noticing.